FKR-Beuk! Part 4 - Priest & Paladin Spells

Priests work just like Wizards, and they even have to buy spell books - the Temple provide these. There's a whole lot of Gods in the world of Naheulbeuk, although only a few of them have set spell lists. You could easily come up with your own spell lists for those that aren't ready-made, though.

Adathie - Goddess of Justice & Merguez
Bloutos - Spirit of Carpets & Doormats
Braav' - God of Lawful Stupid Paladins
Caddyro - God of Commerce & Mushrooms
Chakhom - God of Rivers & Cats
Crôm - God of fighting, punching and whacking in the face
Dlul - Lord of Yawning
Fuhala - Druidic God of Inspiration and Free-Thinking
Jord'hun - God of Gardens
Keskonspawle - God of Laughter
Khornettoh - God of Violence, Blood & Brutal Death
Lafoune - Goddess of Carnal Pleasures
Malgar - God of Soapy Love
Mankdebol - God of Losers & Bad Luck
Niourgl - God of Diseases, Infections & Other Nasty Things
Oboulos - God of Slavery & Bureaucracy
Petipani - Elven Goddess of Lembas
Picrate - Goddess of Wine
Slanoush - God of Mysteries, Secrets & Weirdness
Tropiko - Demon-Prince of Thirst
Tzinntch - Demon-God of Dark Magic
Vaarb - Demon of Evil, Mean People & Obnoxiousness
Youclidh - God of Good Health & Healers
Yrfoul - God of Noxious Smells

PRIESTS OF ADATHIE
Judge without hatred nor mercy. Always carry the sausage fork. Can't be vegetarian.

Level 1
Equal-Opportunity Healing, Barbecue Smell, Fork Strike, Divine Clear-Sight

Level 2
Labahk's Instant Jail Night (suffer the mental pressure of a night of tense interrogation in an instant), Judiciary Assistance, Fighting Merguez

Level 3
Saint Béarnaise Sauce/Saint Harissa (improves food), Grease Armour, Sword of Justice

Level 4
Strenght of the Just, Adathie's Burning Coals

Level 5
Justice Hamster, Human to Sausage

Level 6
Régis' Shield

Level 7
Adathie's Sanctuary

Level 8
Enforceable Reparations (it's a sort of healing spell)

Level 9
Blind Justice (literally makes you blind)

Level 10
Triumph of Reason (magically convince your foes to abandon the fight and join your quest, for an hour)

Level 12
Paralyzing Shriek

Level 13
Adathie's Levitation

Level 14
Cleansing of the Divine BBQ (rain of burning coal and boiling grease)

Level 15
Artisan of Justice (enchant a weapon or piece of armour with Adathie's protection)

PALADIN OF BRAAV'
You shall not hit some dude who didn't do anything wrong to you. You shall chase evil even in the darkness. You shall seek demons wherever they are. You shall always brush your teeth and floss three times a day. You shall always be well-groomed. You shall stay pure even in the face of temptation. You shall not lay with someone else's lover. You shall laugh in the face of orcs, goblins and other monsters. You shall not have too much fun. You shall never lie. You shall never swear. You shall always respect the laws of men and make others respect them. You shall be nice to your steed. You shall help your brethren, even when they're ugly. You shall never run from danger. You shall saveguard your relics at the peril of your life. Braav will be behind you if you stand before him. Really nice God. His followers get all the holy paladin stuff you'd expect, although their paladin code is ridiculously obnoxious.

Level 1
Lay Feet, Braav's Strength, Braav's Torch, Dispel Evil

Level 2
Shining Aura, Braav's Sword

Level 3
Penitence (intelligent target must question any and all of their evil - or mean - acts in life. Doesn't work on pure evil)

Level 4
Braav's Critique (literally a divine granted critical hit)

Level 5
Chase Darkness (undead and demons run from your light), Braav's Saving Throw (recover from any and all wounds, except loss of limb or death)

Level 6
Resistance of the Brave

Level 7
Divine Reprimand

Level 8
Braav's Sanctuary

Level 9
Braav's Meteor

Level 10
Braav's Punishment

PRIESTS & PALADINS (stop at level 10) OF DLUL
Dlul is a weird God, with three different temples worshipping him. The Great Bedspring Temple are kind of neutral. The Coterie of Pacifying Yawns are very nice and never do anything. The Order of the Beatitude of Swimaf are usually pretty chill but recently turned evil cultists as the new leader, Gontran Théogal, started looking into ways to bring about the end of days by covering the world in Dlul's blanket. Dlul himself doesn't do much, although he doesn't like gods that prevent sleep, like Tzinntch, Slanoush, Lafoune and Oboulos. The only rules are to sleep at least eight hours per night, always carry a pillow and a good blanket, and to wear pajamas everywhere one goes. Oh, and no crossbow, they're too tedious *yawns*.

Level 1
Tiresome Speech, Dlul's Yawn, Pillow Strike

Level 2
Restful Nap, Swimaf's Morning Breath, Protective Blanket

Level 3
Summon Lazy Spirit, Swimaf's Sudden Need to Lay for a While, Forced Awakening

Level 4
Cursed Slippers, Skeloss' Combat Pajamas

Level 5
Dlul's Deadly Boredom, Dlul's Banner

Level 6
Dlul's Annoying Hammer

Level 7
Dlul's Safekeeping Pillow (resist curses), Lethargic Arrow

Level 8
Pleasant Sanctuary of Dlul

Level 10
Swimaf's Beatitude

Level 11
Dlul's Inconsistency

Level 12
Dlul's Suicidal Boredom

Level 13
Cloud of Sleep

Level 15
Swimaf's Gambeson-Pajamas (enchantment)

PALADINS OF KHORNETTOH
Khornettoh is pretty easy to please: kill your enemies, burn their homes, salt their land, make little DIY decorations using their bones, etc. Followers must attack Braav or Malgar followers on sight, wear hostile clothings and clearly show off belonging to Khornettoh (red and black, lots of spikes). Can't use any of the following skills, because they're for the weak: unremarkable, touching naiveté, call reinforcements, understand animals, dancing & juggling, crying & begging, weird glyphs. You may run away from an unwinnable fight, although Khornettoh will mock you if you do.

Level 1
Beastly Courage, Khornettoh's Impact, Sword-Breaker, Sacrificial Regeneration

Level 2
Bloodthirst, Damodar's Eye

Level 3
Armour of the Kilgurdians, Roots of the Kilgurdians

Level 4
Fate of Khornettoh, Gurtz' Cursed Frenzy

Level 5
Living Nightmare, Mystic Salva

Level 6
Voluntary Curse

Level 7
Apocalyptic Tourlousine

Level 8
Sanctuary of Khornettoh

Level 9
Semi-Resurrection of Khornettoh

Level 10
Vengeance of Khornettoh

Level 11
Infernal Double

Level 12
Howl of Savage Terror

Level 13
Implosion of the Kilgurdians

Level 14
Blacksmith of Fate

Level 15
Armourer of Khornettoh

PURULENTS OF NIOURGL (Hot Priests of Niourgl turn Ugly but are still charismatic)
Niourgl is the benevolent god of diseases, infections and other nasty things. His priests are forbidden to heal people, and all wounds inflicted by purulents, regardless of weapon, will always result in infections unless tended to with great care. Niourgl does confer a resistance to poisons and diseases so that his followers can actually do things and not just die of the plague. They do need to eat rotten food, can't use soap, can't take medicine, etc.

Level 1
Zhôl's Chaotic Miasmas (inoculate diseases to a larger and larger area as you reach higher spell levels), Var-Zebeth's Animal Corruption (larger beasts as you reach higher spell levels), Vision of Niourgl (identify diseases, insects, fungi, etc.), Niourgl's Help, Mucous Postilion

Level 2
Ocular Infection of Niourgl, Roach Carapace

Level 3
Purulent Smile, Mutagenic Optimization

Level 4
Roaches of the Zhôl Plane, Glogoush's Power

Level 5
Plague Wave, Mutagenic Tentacle

Level 6
Flying Horror, Purulent Curse

Level 7
Niourgl's Retribution, Beacon of Degradation

Level 8
Infamous Trap of the Purulents

Level 9
Roparz's Abject Breastplate

Level 10
Glogoush's Ignominous Fog

Level 11
Niourgl's Infectious Projectile

Level 13
Deadly Inoculation

Level 14
Purulent & Corrosive Salva

Level 15
Harvest of Niourgl


PRIESTS & PALADINS OF SLANOUSH
Bath once a week at least, wear leather and revealing clothes. Otherwise no real requirements, although followers of Slanoush should be refined and evoke sexy mystery.

Level 1
Eye of Slanoush, Klaatuu's Velvet Tongue, Klaatuu's Fondling, Lascious Distraction, Sadistic Flagellation

Level 2
Luminous Hand, Infernal Lice, Inner Peace of Slanoush, Hand of Truth, Troubling Secrets of Slanoush

Level 3
Illusory Babes of Slanoush, Armour of Slanoush, Rotating Blades of Slanoush

Level 4
Inner Fire of Slanoush, Wet Frenzy

Level 5
Swinecubbus, Klaatuu's Trial of Impalement

Level 6
Mystic Veil of Slanoush, Vengeance of Slanoush

Level 7
Lascious Demon, Sanctuary of Slanoush

Level 8
Klaatuu's honorific salvation

Level 9
Outrage of the Torturers

Level 10
Mystic Levitation of Slanoush

Level 11
Revelations of Slanoush

Level 12
Troubling Aura

Level 13
Heart Removal

Level 14
Avatar of Slanoush

Level 15
Unspeakable Resurrection

PRIESTS OF YOUCLIDH
Youclidh is a benevolent God of healing and health. Not much to say about this one. Always be nice and clean, and polite, too. Heal even your enemies if possible, though don't fight your friends over it, cause that wouln't be very nice. The life of a follower of Youclidh is one full of paradoxes. Oh, and they're pacifists.

Level 1
Good Word, Cleansing of the Basket, Youclidh's Slap, Lay Hand, War Patchwork, Banner of Well-Meaning

Level 2
Luminous Hand, Inner Peace of Youclidh, Healing Wave, Mass Disinfection

Level 3
Princely Recovery, Exorcism, Divine Perils of Youclidh, Thaumaturgic Shield

Level 4
Corporal Collage of Youclidh, Hastened Cicatrization

Level 5
Garfunkel's Radiance

Level 6
Royal Recovery

Level 7
Garfunkel's Cupola

Level 8
Summon a Spirit of Youclidh

Level 9
Youclidh's Wrath

Level 10
Summon a Spirit of Life

Level 11
Invulnerability

Level 12
Omniscience

Level 13
Create Faithful

Level 14
Resurrection

Character Generation, Violence & Equipment, Wizard Schools