Session Report - The Barons, The Bridge & The Troll

Cosmic ran a lil' one-shot for Jack and I, we used Skorne at my request~.

The Characters

Sofia Lantz (me) (20something, waifish blonde with haggard eyes, dirt under her nails, sky blue dress, white apron, white knee-high socks and wooden shoes. Accompanied by a little ball of hatred and violence called Fritz (dog of unknown breed), as well as her "uncle", a strange fellow who abducted her into the Underground because he wanted to know what it's like to have a family. His name is Ionesco (Jack), a forty-something stoic, tall, long of hair and beard, somewhat of a wild man. He has a HEFTY ROCK and a dead bird for some reason.

The Adventure

The Baron has tasked us with removing the Troll from under the bridge under construction half a day away from his country estate for a considerable amount of money (and scones!) - from his secretary, we learned that the troll:

- Is twice as big as a man
- Has eaten five workmen, four draft horses and a shepherd boy
- Is green
- Some of the masons tried to attack it when it first showed up and it did not go well. They're all camped out outside the estate now.

We bid the secretary adieu and decided to go visit the masons in their little shanty town outside the estate.

On our way out, we were almost flattened by a large coach (coat of arms on the side: city with a woman bending over it) - we made a note to go compensate ourselves for the fright later, and carried on.

[In retrospect we discussed how this could have been an actionable / decision point scene by either having the coach threaten an interesting NPC to prod us to intervene, or simply give us a tricky either/or like

We found the masons' leader, Thomas - covered in bandages save for his fluffy moustache. He boomed and spit on about the baron's poor treatment of his workers. When Sofia told him what we were here for, the workmen laughed at her. We learned the following from them:

- Teeth like a shark
- Can hold a man like it's a sack
- Sneaky, hides in the river
- Does not care for pointy sticks and tools, bit through a fisherman's net

Sofia suggested we poison a workman and feed it to the troll to hurt it from inside. Ionesco had the same idea but was thinking of using fish instead. We ended up agreeing on a horse. We set out on finding an apothecary to commission a poison potent enough for the beast.

Cottages lining the river make up a shoddy village a few miles down from the country estate. A signpost with crudely painted flasks and a bundle of herbs. The witch midwife initially refused to help but we promised her accolades and 30% of our pay (none of us knew what the pay would be in the end so we realized we could just lie to her about what 30% would be). She went away to gather ingredients for a slow acting poison that would make someone bleed from every orifices. While waiting we saw the coach again, recognizing it this time as Maximilian Von Bingsburn's(?) another noble's house. We figured we'd try and see if we could get paid twice and rambled through the countryside for half a day to get to his estate.

On our way, we met two highwaymen armed with knives; at first we ignored them and kept going past them, but then got sad about them being so bad at their jobs, so we went back and Ionesco gave them advice on how to rob people better. We considered feeding them to the troll after giving them the potion (calling it a potion of strength!) but eventually decided against it. Thankfully they agreed to help us fight the troll for another cut ("let's say 5% each, that's a lot right?) and one of them went to fetch a goat for us to poison the troll with (feed the poison to the goat, feed the goat to the troll). In the meantime, we tried to optimize the highwaymen's ambush spot to help them too! 

Then the wizard came. He rode a mule, ridden with saddlebags - a perfect client. So Sofia hid in the bushes and screamed for help, ranting about wild hogs stealing her stuff and eating her dog. The wizard came to help on foot and scooped Sofia off her feet. During that distraction, Ionesco stole the saddlebags. Back on the road, the wizard realized Sofia's trickery a bit too late and was distracted by the second highwayman coming back with a baby goat in his arms, turning away from her for a moment - enough for her to clobber him with the hammer until he stopped moving. She then wistfully looked away and appeared quite shocked and surprised at the unconscious man. 

Coming back with the stolen saddlebags, Ionesco found a CURSED COIN and fell into a trance, fascinated by it. A melee quickly broke down between the three men to get the coin, while Sofia dragged her mattock towards them with ill-intent. A horrible and unfortunate accident later, one of the highwayman ends up with the cursed coin, just staring at it, while his brother lays on the ground, disabled and loudly expressing back pain. Sofia grabbed the goat, and we left the highwaymen with the coin. Scratch that - Ionesco took the mattock and tried to get rid of the coin using the mattock as a golf club, removing some fingers off the enthralled highwayman in the process. After "helping them out", we left with the goat towards the troll's bridge.

Sofia named the goat Jolene, then we pretended to be regular travelers and approached the bridge. On top of the unfinished bridge, a gnarled, wooly green thing with a long nose and a mouth like a shark's mouth, gangly, with long arms; vaulted on top of the bridge, cutting our way off.

[The troll's description was delightfully disgusting - every move and sound it made came with curated words from the Ref]

We discussed civil-like with the troll, learning his motives (acquiring a quality bridge to get nice things and foods from it), and offering our goat as tribute (Sofia explained she would not be tasty at all, all things considered with all the stressful things she'd seen today she might as well be poisonous herself) - as well as suggesting that maybe the troll should hide away for a while until the bridge is complete and come back when it's done.

We heard some horrible, horrible noises and when they finally stopped Ionesco went back atop the bridge then climbed down to make sure the troll was dead and gone. He wasn't though - just sobbing and gurgling in pain. Not moving, faintly breathing - hiccupy gurgles, eyes staring vacantly out, drooling. Sofia suggested Ionesco bash its head in with his HEFTY ROCK, but considering the size of the creature it seemed like a bad idea. 

Wet spaghetti, blood, brains and viscera all over his hands, Ionesco breathed a sigh of relief as he gazed at the dead troll, grabbed Sofia's mattock and messily hacked the bashed in troll head to bring it back to the Baron as proof of a job well-done. The troll's nest had a bag in it too, with a moldy feathered cap, a golden necklace, and miscellaneous coins inside. And a mirror for Sofia, who gleefully celebrated the successful Quest - finally they could eat to their hearts' content. By the late evening we got back to the Baron's estate, people celebrated, we got paid, a few folks fainted, END!

__________________________________________________________________________

Hi, this is Alyx speaking, blogger extraordinaire (been quite busy lately, sorry for the lack of updates - session reports should resume at a weekly-ish pace by now) - I've been dealing with new meds lately, can't work anymore (I am/was a sex worker, which in itself has taken a toll on my mental health), and am collecting funds to help me pay for gender-affirming surgeries. The link is on the B&W picture in the sidebar. If you can give even a teeny tiny bit of money, it'll help a lot. If you share the gofundme on your socials, that's also a big help. Every click counts. Thanks in advance, xoxo.